Lessons in Elevator Etiquette

My wife — the lovely Karen — and I live in a high-rise apartment building.  That means elevators are essential.

But there are things you need to know if you’re going to share the ride up and/or down with hundreds of other residents.  Here is our (and only our) list of the ways to conduct yourself in such a small space (although..we think it’s a pretty good list).

5. Master the open- and close-door buttons: We both have been guilty of this.  Here’s the scenario.  You step on the elevator..and there is someone rounding the corner hoping to catch your ride.  You go to hit the button to hold the door open..and you hit the one that closes the doors.  Congratulations!  you’ve just become THAT person.  Every building’s set of buttons is different..but the symbols are usually very similar.  So..practice when you can.

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4. Hey Gym Rats…Don’t Stop Progress: In our building, the exercise area is on the 2nd floor.  This actually happened to me.  I got on the elevator from our high floor..speeding toward the lobby.  All of a sudden..the car stops on the 3rd floor.  Someone dressed in workout clothes got on..AND PRESSED 2.   I propose a rule: in any high-rise building, if you live within two floors of the workout area — TAKE THE STAIRS!  Consider it your warm-up before hitting the elliptical.

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3. Save Your Hearing — Lower The Earbuds: We love music as much as the next couple.  However..unless it’s the Muzak already playing, we don;t need to hear the music coming out of your earbuds.  Remember..if we can hear it, then we’re looking at each other wondering why your ears aren’t bleeding. (By the way..the guy in the picture is me. I do try not to be obnoxious with earbuds anywhere)

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2. Control Your Cologne: This is one of Karen’s contributions to the list.  Have you ever stepped on an elevator and had your nose hairs all but burned away with an overabundance of cologne.  Guys..remember…a little goes a long way.  You’ll also never have to worry about a scenario like you see in the center of the above picture.  Also..you can learn a few tips and tricks from the vignettes that surround the center scene.

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1.Don’t Cut The Cheese (If You Know What We Mean): The above scene is from one of Karen’s favorite movies and perfectly illustrates the point.   There’s nothing worse than being trapped in a small moving box with someone who’s decided to be just..well..nasty! We haven’t run into this here (thank goodness) but then again no one should ever have to…ANYWHERE.

If you think of any others…feel free to share.   Just..keep it clean!