I Wasn’t Ready For This

This is the post I have not been looking forward to writing…even though I knew I would have to at some point.

My mother passed away August 8th, 2025. She was 84.

Not to get too deep into things..she had been managing many health issues over the past few years. For some of you, I do not have to spell out the details. If you know…you know. Still though, it is difficult.

We always believe in our hearts and minds that our parents are invincible…indestructible…even magical to a degree. They make our dreams come true when we are little. They (try to) make the world make sense to us when we are teenagers. When we become adults with lives of our own, the front door at home is always open to us.

Then comes THAT day.

She passed one week before I was scheduled to go home to South Carolina to see her. I was not there for her to gaze at me one final time. I will carry that — because I don’t have a better word right now — ‘guilt’ for the rest of my days.

I will remember car rides to school, spaghetti dinners when visiting from college, how she gushed to anyone who would listen about her son..the local TV news anchor…as well as the (far too few) phone calls — just to chat — I made, disagreements we had, and the times I disappointed her. I will admit…there were a few doozies there.

My brother, sister and I are the most fortunate people in the world to have had her here for us — as our mom, counsel, advocate, and defender — for 63 years. It turns out God needed her just a little bit more now.

We all get just one chance at (as the Prince lyric says) “this thing called life”. We still have my dad…but he has his own health issues as well..and needs ongoing care. His partner of more than six decades is no longer at his side. I will be honest…that concerns me.

I do know my mom is watching over us now…just as she protected us while she was here. That gives me some solace..knowing that I will continue to hear her voice in my head…and my heart…until I see her again.

That said…there were two things that happened in the week after her passing that she may have had a divine hand in.

First, I was supposed to head back north the Monday after her service but my train was canceled because a derailment in North Carolina blocked Northeast corridor travel. It was a cargo train — not a passenger train — so no one was hurt. I think mom was telling me you need to be home with family just a bit longer. I wound up leaving Thursday.

Then, once I got home from South Carolina , I had the opportunity to see an Instagram post from a Colorado news anchor I follow. His name is Kyle Clark. He posted about his young daughters going off on their first day of school…but the overarching theme was about change and how we should appreciate it — not fear it. Death is not only inevitable…it is a huge change. In his commentary, Clark said:

“Change is an invitation to gratitude: gratitude for what was…for having had it for a time; gratitude for what is…for it too won’t last forever; and maybe even gratitude for what will be with the hope that something coming our way will be worth looking back upon someday with gratitude…when it too changes.”

Thanks, Mom. I was supposed to see that.